The anniversary of their death is hitting me harder than expected

I thought I'd be prepared. I've been dreading this date for weeks, but now that it's here, the grief feels fresh — like day one again. People at work have no idea. I'm answering emails and falling apart in the bathroom. The world kept moving and I hate that it did. I lit a candle this morning and talked to her out loud, which felt both comforting and ridiculous. How do you get through an anniversary when the grief surges back?