First holiday without my mom and I don't know how to cope

She died in March and everyone keeps saying the first year is the hardest. The holidays are proving them right. I walked past her favorite pie recipe and had to leave the grocery store. Friends invite me to their gatherings and I want to go but I also want to disappear. I'm trying to honor her memory without drowning in it, and I can't find the balance yet. If you've survived a first holiday without someone, what got you through the day?